Setbacks

Grrr!!!  It seems like as soon as I get motivated to do something I tend to get injured, or sick and then I have to start over at square one again.  I had a plan. I had a new routine and I was loving it!!  And now I am sick!  And when I get sick, it's not just a cold, or runny nose.  It's full blown bronchitis or a sinus infection or whooping cough or something extreme like that.  (No I don't have whooping cough, but you see my point!) So I have not been able to work out in a week.  One whole week!!  It's killing me!  I watch Jon go off to our little gym classes and I sit home and cough my guts up.  It's awesome.  So no, I am not able to upate on my C25K program because I have not got past day 1.  Doesn't help that I also have asthma and due to our really crappy Utah air quality, my asthma is pretty out of control.

Here sits my running app stuck on Week 1, Day 2..  Just waiting!!  

Props to Kelz for continuing on pretty well without me. 

I guess having diabetes does a number on your immune system.  The example my doctor used is that I am a human petri dish and if it goes around, I'm gonna get it.  And that crap goes around my office like no other, so of course it's only a matter of time.

On the plus side, I am doing pretty well with my diet.  And I still seem to be losing some weight.  Which is helpful in keeping me motivated.  I do have an obsession with the scale, however, and I tend to weigh myself every day.  Okay, if I am being honest, I weigh myself multiple times a day. 

This is the other app I use to keep track of everything.  It helps track your calories and exercise.

 (which is a big fat zero for me right now)

It says I am down 16.5 pounds, which isn't technically true since the starting number is from over a year ago, but it won't let me reset it.  Since I started working out in January, I have officially lost 11.5 pounds.  Not so bad at all.  I certainly hope to never 'find' it again!!

On a side note: Did you know a piece of Pizza Hut's pepperoni lover's pizza is 380 calories?? For one piece!  That's crazy!  The things you learn when you starting looking at and tracking those sorts of things!!

C25K

Got a new app yesterday.  It's for the Couch Potato to 5K running program.  I've looked at (and started) this program a few times but this app is pretty cool. It helps you to work up to running a 5K in about 9 weeks, doing 3 workouts a week. It also counts the time for you and tells you when you should be running and when you should be walking.  And it will play the music from your iphone or ipod the rest of the time.  Kelz and I started on Sunday.  Now to pick a race for us in 9 weeks.  Can't wait!!

The Post That Continues to Haunt Me.

Posted by www.mamalaughlin.com, a very inspirational blogger I follow.  I have cried every single time I have read this.  So I'm sharing.


Dear Big Girl at the gym,

I see you there several times a week.
Your face is always beet red and you are huffing and puffing and clearly struggling.
You are wearing sweat pants and a big t-shirt.
I've seen you at the back of the class trying so hard to keep up with everyone.
Modifying the moves and doing the best you can.
I saw you slowly jogging on the treadmill the other day!
I smiled so big and thought to myself "that is so awesome!"
I was so happy for you!

I want to tell you a few things...

I want to tell you that I'm proud of you.
I know it takes a lot of courage to come to a gym when you feel out of place.
I know it's hard to step out of your comfort zone and try a new class.
I know that all you think you see around you is us "skinny girls."
That you think you can't relate to "us."
That you think we've never been in your shoes.
That when you see me in full makeup at the gym and my cute workout clothes that I've never been overweight.
This could not be further from the truth.
I am in full makeup because I come straight from work. I work full time.
And I come to the gym before I pick up my kids.
Yes, I have kids.
Two of them.
Did you know I used to work out in sweat pants and oversized t-shirts?
That once I lost a bunch of weight, that buying cute workout clothes actually helped motivate me to keep going?
I've been where you have been.
I've struggled like you are.
It may not seem like it. I may put on a good "show". But I've been there.
I KNOW it's hard. And I know that you probably feel like giving up at times.
I remember the feeling of my shorts riding up while I was on the treadmill.
Constantly tugging at them because my thighs rubbed together so badly that it left chaffing marks on my legs.
I remember feeling like everyone was watching me when I was "running", which was actually more of a jog with a bounce.
I just knew that everyone was staring at my fat jiggling and they were thinking "that's so gross" or "look at the fat girl run!"
I specifically remember how I hated working out so much because it was just another reminder of what I couldn't do, or how much I'd let myself go, or how hard I was going to have to work to change.

I am proud of you Big Girl.

I have wanted so badly to come up to you and give you some words of encouragement.
To tell you that I think you're awesome!
To tell you that IT DOES GET BETTER!
To not give up and to JUST KEEP GOING!
That with hard work you will achieve your goals....

I don't want to single you out, make you feel bad, or hurt your feelings in any way by telling you "I've been where you are."
I don't want to intimidate you in any way. I just want you to know I'VE BEEN THERE.
So instead I politely smile at you every time I see you.
I hope that you can look past the clothes, the makeup, and the fairly thin body, and see that I genuinely do care about you.
I hope you can look past my smile and know that I've been where you've been.
Know that YOU motivate ME, Big Girl.
And that you are capable of accomplishing ANYTHING you set your mind to.

Love,

Just A Former Big Girl


Enough said I think...
Sara

How did I get here??

Wow, it's been almost a year since I last posted anything. I can't even believe that.  I think about it all the time but never actually sit down and do it.  It is so much easier to just Facebook or Tweet something than to take the time to type my thoughts out.

But I've started something new and I really feel the need to document the journey.  To do this I feel like I really need to offer some back history on where I started, where I've been and ultimately, where I want to go.

I'll be honest, I have never been happy with how look.  Even at my thinnest, in high school, I got down to a size 3, I could share clothes with my friends I considered skinny but I always thought of myself as the heavier girl.  At 17, when I got pregnant with Cody I was a size 5 and weighed around 125 pounds, a number I can't even believe to this day..  Once I had him however,  I never made it back to that place.  Every year I gained weight and did nothing to change it. I bought bigger clothes and tried to hide it but never stopped my horrible eating habits and I never thought to exercise, I just accepted that was who I was now.  The years have taken their toll on my body, I have had a lot of medical issues, I've had several surgeries. I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes in April of 2009, along with high blood pressure, high cholesterol and probably high everything else that is possible to have.  As of my last birthday, I am 35 years old and I feel more like 50.

Over the years I have tried some things, did Weight Watchers a few times, joined a gym here and there, tried some fad diets that worked short term but never worked for long. I hate my picture taken, in the past 17 years you won't find many of me.  I take the photos so I don't have to be in them.  We don't have family pictures because I refuse to be in them. Frankly, I just sorta hate how I look and feel all the time.

So a few months ago I decided I have had enough, I need to make a lifestyle change and I need to be the person I feel I am hiding under all these extra pounds. I'm not open enough to put my weight or my current clothing size out there on the internet to be analyzed by anyone and maybe I never will.  I keep it to myself and that's probably where it will always stay.  But I will say it's a number I never want to see again.  We have a great friend who is a trainer at CrossFit.  His 17 year old daughter did his workouts for several months and I can't begin to tell you how amazing this girl is today..  She has been my inspiration since Day 1.  Maybe I need to tell her this someday, or maybe she already knows.

We started CrossFit Boot Camp on January 17th, so it has almost been a month today.  In that month I can't tell you how much I feel I have changed.  Jon and I have done it together but due to scheduling conflicts there have been times that I have had to go alone.  I am not an alone person.  I am not an exercise person.  I am not this person at all!  I am so far outside my comfort zone that it's crazy..

As of this morning I have lost 9 pounds, and since I didn't start measuring until last week, I can't tell you how many inches.  I can say my formerly tight clothes fall off me, I can see changes, and the people around me are starting to see them too.  I feel like I am becoming a different person on the inside as well.  I want to be happy, I want to be healthy. I want to enjoy life in ways I have never been able to before.  To do this, 3 days a week I show up to have my ass kicked in ways I have never thought possible.  I sweat like I never thought possible.  I do push-ups and burpees and oh my god, the insane amount of squats that we do.  Me???  I do this!!  And guess what?? I love it!  Mind you, not while I am doing it..  No, while I'm doing it I want to die, but after?  After there is this amazing feeling of accomplishment that I have never felt before.  This rush that I never knew was possible just from exercise.  And I love it!!

So follow me on my journey, I will try to post monthly, more if I can.  Maybe I can bring myself to posting a before picture, but that will take a lot for me to do.   I would love to motivate people in the ways I have been motivated by those around me.  One day I want to look in the mirror and be proud of what I see. I want to see a picture of  myself and not want to run and hide.  I want to be free of some of these burdens I have carried for so long. 

I want to be ME again!